Fifty-Four

Christmas is in two days, and I still haven't finished my shopping. I am trying to do something crafty for my mother, but George (the ghost in our apartment) won't stop making the floors creak and banging on my window. Have a little respect please, I'm trying to get things done.
One second of the day, life seems like it's everything it should be. Other seconds, it feels like I was cursed with the worst of luck. There's no happy medium. On the bright side, I get to go to Toronto in a few days, a much overdue visit if I may say so myself. Things I intend to do:

-FINALLY see Meg & Blake's place.
-Get belligerent with Alanna.
-Drive to Barrie to get the rest of my things (it's only been more than a year or so)
-Hangout with my best friend and do the things we do best. (i.e. sitting, drinking...you know)
-Try to set up little visits to people I miss (Aaron and Anto you're first on the list)
-Get new Nike's in Cookstown
-Find snazzy dresses with Meg for New Year's Eve
-Pierce my nose (yes? no?)

Is it just me or is there a lack of babes in Montreal? Some definitely need to start moving here, cause I am definitely not resorting to an out of province boy again. Hmmm...I feel a nervous breakdown on it's way. Hopefully no one eats my apple at work....(this referring to when I got fired for "not being able to handle the job" after i broke down, yelling and crying, that someone ate my apple in the fridge.)


Merry Christmas everyone.

Come visit me...all this talking has made me miss you

Fifty-Three

I've made promises to myself, and I feel as though I've bit off more than I can chew.

People say so many things they don't mean, and I don't understand where it comes from. Truth comes out when you're angry, or at least that is what i believe. At the same time though, I can understand that it's easy to blurb things out when you're mad. It's easy to become jealous, angry or childish even in a lot of every day situations. I've said so many things that I never meant, and I'm still trying to figure out why. What I'm getting down to is, I made a few mistakes in the past with a few friends. I threw them away. It bothers the hell out of me that I'm such an on and off again person with the way I see things. One month I couldn't care less, and the next I focus on just being a good person. Maybe because I just can't change the way I am. I know I'm still growing up, but this is as old as I've ever been. Not everyone is going to be like me. Differences between people IS a good thing. I need to stop expecting so much from people, and I need to stop worrying that I'm not living up to people's expectations of me. I am what I am.

I hate the winter. It brings nothing but endless thoughts that put me in a panic. I went grocery shopping yesterday and as I was walking through the isles, i just stopped and this feeling came over me where I had never felt so alone before. I remember going to do groceries with my mom every morning followed by coffee at Muffins with Baba and Gigi, and now this is what it turned into. There I was, carrying bags I could barely carry and worrying that this is how it will be for the rest of my life. I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but I've actually been down about it lately.





(on another note, I'm happy we're friends again)

Fifty-Two

i suppose there has been a lack of posts coming from this gal, but i just haven't had the time to sit and actually write down my thoughts. Lack of time as well as lack of words to say. This month has been an emotional roller coaster, more downs than ups, of course. To sum it up, as most of you already know, my grandfather passed away, with my grandmother following behind a week later. It was a bitter sweet ending to all of this, and as much as i miss them, i know they're together.
After all this tragedy, there managed to be some smiles that were sneaked in. I finally turned 21. Although it scared me, it also felt much overdue. Jay threw me a surprise birthday party. It could have been at the worst place, in the worst city with the worst music playing, but all that mattered was everyone i missed and love was there.

There's more going on in my life, but I would rather not talk about them. I guess it's almost wrong to say but I'm pretty content. Minus the obvious, there's been some interesting situations that I've found myself stuck in lately. I've also managed to learn a lot about the person i want to be. So you say whatever you want about me, but forgiveness is the biggest word in my vocabulary now.




"if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the no's on their
vacancy signs. If there's no
one beside you when your
soul embarks, I'll follow
you into the dark"

Fifty One

i'm going to miss you.
i'll think about you everyday, wonder what you're doing, and remember everything you taught us.
you gave me one of the hardest things to find,
and that's a close family that will always stick together.
love you so much with all my heart
i know you'll make them smile and laugh up there.

Fifty

This great evil - where's it come from?
How'd it steal into the world?
What seed, what root did it grow from?
Who's doing this?
Who's killing us, robbing us of life and light, mocking us with the sight of what we might have known?
Does our ruin benefit the earth, aid the grass to grow and the sun to shine?
Is this darkness in you, too?
Have you passed through this night?

Fourty Nine

i went to see battles last night, and it was probably one of the best shows i've ever seen. (except for the shroom takers next to us that we're a little annoying) It also led to the discovery of White Williams. The singer was drinking wine on stage, how could i NOT like them?

That's all I really wanted to say...
I'm really excited for this week/weekend. Rae's friends get here on wednesday, Alanna gets here on thursday, Meg arrives on friday, and it's partying from there on for Rae's birthday.


have a good week

Fourty Eight

this is something that i need to get off my chest, but don't really have the strength to talk about verbally. It's after three o'clock in the morning and i can't sleep because i have about a million thoughts running through my head. I apologize if it's long, you don't even have to read it. I just need to get it out and that's as simple as i can put it.
A little over a month ago, my grandfather was hospitalized and we later found out that he has stomach cancer. As heavy as it was to take, the family sucked it up and managed to stay strong for him. He was sent back home, but nothing was ever really back to the way every one sort of hoped it would be. He seemed to become more depressed then sick as the days went on, and with that, lost energy and strength to do the daily things he loved to do. On friday he was back in the hospital because he didn't even have the strength to stand up. He's still there and waiting to begin radiation on Monday. With all of this going on, no one thought anything else could happen, or be worse. However, my grandmother, who recently fell ill with what we thought was the flu, couldn't get out of bed yesterday and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. She is now in isolation, and the doctor's aren't quite sure what she has yet. To make it as straight forward as possible though, it's not good.
In the twenty years that i've been around, i've been fortunate enough to have a family that was able to see eachother every sunday. We made the effort to get together, and just be in the same room for a few hours and hear all the stories, jokes, and even fights we had to share. Not alot of families have that. Regardless of how often everyone complained about eachother, argued, yelled at the top of their lungs, there we were, in the dinning room crowded around the table, just happy we were in that moment. More importantly though, in my twenty years, i've had such a blessed, charmed life, to be able to say that i've never lost anyone close to me. ever. Which makes it all the harder. I'm not being a pessimist about this, but one can't help but have it in the back of their minds that they might not make it out of the hospital. To make matters worse, they may never see eachother again. Because my grandmother is in isolation, and because of my grandfather's condition, they aren't allowed to be in the same room. They can't talk, can't laugh, can't say they love eachother or kiss eachother, face to face, and it kills me to know that the last time they got to do that was a few days ago, without knowing it could be the last.
This is alot for me to take, and something i'd rather not talk about or be asked about. I've never gone through something like this, and to be honest, i don't know how to get through it.
My mother called me crying tonight saying that my grandfather asked her to tell my grandmother that he said goodnight, and vice versa. My grandparents love eachother. They've devoted themselves to eachother for over 50 years. Their love is real, raw and unconditional. Their love is the kind that doesn't exist anymore. Now they can't even say goodnight. It breaks my heart knowing that two people who would do anything for one another, just straight up can't.
If it weren't for the two of them,my family wouldn't be what it is. They were the backbone of it all, the ends of the table, the ones that would do anything it took to keep their family together and happy. They've taken in girlfriends, boyfriends, and friends of each and every member of the family, and made them feel welcome regardless of what they thought of them. It scares me that if they don't get better, sunday dinners won't exist anymore. And the fact that i've been bailing on them recently, makes me feel like i've taken them for granted.
I don't want to deal with this at all. I don't like seeing them like this, seeing my mother cry, or the rest of my family upset for that matter. I'm sorry if i seem ignorant to it, but it's just my way of dealing with it.

I really needed to talk about it, and this was the best I can do. It's probably nobody's business, really. But if i seem down, instead of asking and reminding me of it, this is what's up. I hope it turns out for the best in the end, and obviously i'm hoping it will. I love them with all my heart and can do nothing but be positive about this.

Fourty Seven

I'm taking a week off work at the end of the month, and making my way to Toronto. Can i afford to do it? No. But I'd rather lose some good credit than my mind. Now i just have to figure out how to get a week off of work. Please send suggested excuses to my apartment c/o Aleasha G.

(1) Albert Hammond Jr. you make my life so complete.
(2) I went back to eating chicken for good, woops.
(3) These next few weekends are going to be my fav.

Fourty Six

tell me about it...

My day started at 4:30pm today, because I was too hungover and sick to get out of bed any earlier than that. I worked all day Saturday and intended on having a good Sunday to get things done. Basically, my weekend ended up being about 7 hours long. That's sad.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I need to take a break from drinking. Someone lend me their will power please?

This week I intend to: get lost in my job and get nothing in return, look into getting a monthly plan on my cell phone again (I think it's long overdue), deal with a few issues, maybe have dinner, with Mel then go to Cheapie's art show, see meg this weekend if she visits (!), go to Battles on Sunday.

Won't you join me?

I'm going to watch Simon Birch and fall asleep. Life is ridiculous.

Fourty Five

lack of entertainment leads to things like this.

1.How old will you be in 3 birthdays?
23?

2. Do you think you'll be married by then?
only if meg and blake are no longer dating

3. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?
the possibility of seeing two amazing gals in the next two weekends, christmas (!), the end of a completely boring year

4. Who was the last person you called?
Andrew

5. Who was the last person that called you?
Jay

6. Who was the last person to text you?
Davis

7. Who was the last person you hugged?
i sadly can't remember

8. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping. on a friday night.

9. What were you doing at 11am today?
complaining at work that i'm the office's bitch

11. If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?
three or four years ago, when life was nothing but amazing

12. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
shoes

13. Are you a social person?
with a little alcohol in me

14. What was the last thing you drank?
peach juice

15. Favorite ice cream?
chocolate cookie dough shiver at TCBY

16. What is your favorite dessert?
dessert

17. Whats your favorite color?
lately, purple

18. What kind of jelly do you put on your PB and J's?
i really dont think peanut butter should be hanging out with jelly. it disgusts me and if you eat it, you disgust me.

19. Do you like coffee?
need it

20. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average?
enough to make my 85 year bladder go to the bathroom every 5 minutes

21. What do you drink in the morning?
juice or coffee

22.Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
diagonally in the middle

22. Do you know how to play poker?
no

25. Whats so good about Fridays?
nothing really, it's just another day in the week. The only good thing about fridays WAS family matters, full house, perfect strangers, step by step and boy meets world, but NBC had to steal that prceious hour and a half from us. and for what? assholes...

26, Do you eat out or at home more often?
home, only cause i'm poor

27. How big is your TV?
ancient and large

28. Ever stolen a street sign?
just the other week, actually

29.Do you keep a piggy bank?
if i had one, it would always be empty

30. What kind of camera do you have?
kodak

31. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
no! but man i wish!

32. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
any body of water is fantastic

33. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
see now this is where the debate kicks in. window seat is all about the upper body. you get to lean your head, rest your shoulders and elbows. however, aisle seat is all about the lower body. you get to stretch your legs out. personally, i like to be an asshole about it, and lay down, pretending to be sleeping as soon as i board so no one sits beside me, making it a win win situation.

34. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
thats what she said

35. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
alcohol

36. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
just a necklace of some sort

37. Can you roll your tongue
thats what she said

38. Who is the funniest person you know?
Jay

39. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Wicket

40. What is the main ringtone on your phone?
i'll keep that to myself, thank you.

41. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
somewhere

42. What is the color of your bedroom walls?
white

43. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?
nope

44. Are you crushing on someone right now?
hard to tell

45. Do you currently hate someone?
is a kitten someone?

46. Do you have any pets?
what a bizarre question to follow. yes. Lola.

47. What is annoying you right now?
hahahahahaha

48. Do you snore?
i don't really have full attention on myself while i'm sleeping

50. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
i would have taken the couch at sean and blake's instead of making meg sleep in blake's bed so i could have sean's bed. therefore, i would not lose my best friend to the GOD FORSAKEN CITY OF TORONTO!

51. If you could change anything about the world, what would it be?
distance

52. What are your religious beliefs?
it is what it is.

53. When is your birthday?
december 4th

54. What do you want to do in 10 years?:
oh ya know, be happy, married, successful.
if all else fails, i'd like to be a super hero!

Fourty Four

So now, with a settled tummy, I am back, in full action. Tuesday morning was a queasy one, and with panic and the googling of symptoms, i later found out that along with 3/4 of the rest of my family, i had the flu. Although it ruined my Halloween, it felt good to catch up on some much overdue sleep. (with breaks to throw up into pharmacy bags because my body was in no shape to get up out of bed every 5 minutes)

I suppose I last left you with the awareness that people I don't know read my blogs. It's a little scary, but at the same time, flattering that someone would take the time to read about my life and, mostly, my complaints.

The wonder woman costume was a success, (however i would never in my entire life wear it again) and in case any of you were keeping tabs, the streak is over. (Jay, if you're reading this, sorry to bring it up)

I feel like I have much to look forward to this month. It's a good time for me to catch up on some things. I'm losing sleep due to extreme excitement to see Alanna in a few weekends. Our newly founded friendship just suddenly came to a halt, and I cant wait to pick up where we left off. Meg will be visiting again, hopefully get a little more time in then last time. MANY (emphasis on the MANY) shows that i would like to go see.

The year is also quickly coming to an end, and I feel like I can't really amount to anything this year. Each year, there's always that one BIG thing I can talk about, but this year I feel like there is nothing. Perhaps just a small step in growing up? I definitely got my life back together, and with that came happiness. In a cheesy kind of way, that's all I was really looking for.

I've been trying to be in a better mood lately, it's a lot easier to try and find the good in things that are troubling me, then lock myself in my room, leaving myself to sit there and constantly think about them.

"Think happy thoughts, Peter" ...right?

Fourty Three

does anyone know how to block people from reading their blogs? it seems the wrong eyes are reading my entries, and by wrong i mean, someone i don't even know.

you're a creep.

Fourty Two

Now accepting friend applications. Apply within.

and so a new leaf has turned and I'm over whatever phase of friends (or lack there of) i was in, and need a new entourage to surround myself with. Perhaps ones that are a little more positive on life? Of course this will probably change in a month or so. I don't think i will ever be satisfied with what I've got.

Meg comes home for the weekend tomorrow! I kinda wonder what and how I would be if the two of us had never met. I'm a little convinced that I would just have sat at home all day/night and never experienced the things that i experienced.

I sort of fell in love for five minutes today. I was on the metro, people watching when I suddenly same across a boy that got on with his friend. One of them was horrid, but the other had this personality that kinda lit up the metro cart. I was already living the worst day ever, and for some reason he kinda just cheered me up. In a weird way, considering I don't know him. Then I heard him and his friend arguing over something, and finally one came over and said "Have you ever seen fight club?" I replied "yes" and he answered with "you ARE Marla Singer" Don't get me wrong, Helena Bonham Carter is in my opinion very pretty, so I at first took it as a compliment. Until I realized he said "Marla Singer". Ya, the crazy crack whore character in the movie. Aleasha's (Alicia's)* self esteem takes a dip.

Anyways, the weekend is fast approaching, which means wonder woman is ready to be wonderful (?) Why is it every October I feel the need to take a break on drinking. It must be like some sort of year end deal for me. I got two hours of sleep last night, and I should probably work on getting more right now. With that, I leave you with a footnote.



*(Alicia's) : I used this because I'm thinking of going back to my roots. I feel like I've been living a lie for 5 years. Yes, my name is acutally spelled A-l-i-c-i-a.

Fouty-One: time is contagious, everybody's getting old

so not only have i decided to start giving my blogs names, i've decided they definitely need a little more than a "spice up". they're getting boring. so to start off, here are extremely embarrassing pictures that have turned up, each one aiding in ruining my career in politics.

hello ugly style, goodbye small boobies

this made me think of meg's chicken rice



getting ready for an incredible new years



i don't know what the belt is all about, and um, yea.



this was my outfit for 2003 (?) and my brother looks asian



"i've got a bad feeling about this, i've got a bad feeling about this"



please understand that this was a joke, and please note the picture of andy behind me?




the bench in front of jupiter room



i guess no eye brows are better than one eyebrow



before i was in the grass in my underwear, puking everywhere. and before mike caught meg




"he's so hot" *walks by behind us while we remain oblivious*



this was the party





the summer of bleach

Fourty

This is what weaves through my feet at 6:30 in the morning. This is what makes me grind my teeth when I'm attempting to straighten my hair and she's pulling and chewing at the cord. This is what ate my head phones. This is what makes me think the thoughts I think, like, "what if I accidentally put dish soap in her water bowl?" But with a face like that, I instantly become a push over. She has so much power over me.

I don't really have much to say, but I will direct two seconds of this post at Meghan Duffy. Obviously it's a given, but I miss you, and so does the rest of montreal. If you don't come visit soon, I promise to try and recruit every single person that you miss and bring them to you.

I was at a bar last night, which will remain unnamed in case the wrong pair of specs are reading this, but it's where I went the night I met a certain lobster and it made me miss him lots. Quit being big headed and go back to the boy i met. hmph.

Thirty Nine

Aleasha's attempt at growing up: Take Five? Six? Who knows?

I'm gonna take a stab at it again. I always come so close, perhaps this time is my time.
Lots of ups and downs in my life right now, and it's time to get them at a steady level and keep them there.
Work is work and no one ever likes what they do, even the ones who say they do. I'm happy with what i have.
I rid myself of a few people that I realized I can really do without, and allowed a few back into my life that I realized I'll always need around.
The source of most of my morning frustration is in the form of a kitten named Lola, however, as much as I would love to drop kick her off our balcony, the thing can cuddle like no other.
Nights are slightly lonesome.
I've come to realize that as much as I am dreading winter's weather, there's something beautiful in the lack of detail in the world during the season.
I'm quitting the things I've been meaning to quit, taking a break from the things I've been doing too much, and going back to the things I've been lately ignorant to.
I'm bringing my application to Concordia tomorrow *fingers crossed that all goes well*

This is as much as I can update. If you want a fill in, I worked all week, went to an office party on friday, the hockey game with Davis on saturday (finally), and the museum on Sunday. This weekend I intend to do productive things rather than wreck my body. Perhaps the purchase of a Tiger Lily costume will take place? The installation of indoor internet? and the putting up of blinds as well. Oh, and of course the carving of our pumpkin. I love halloween :)

mum, dad, hang in there.

Thirty Eight

and so sets in the feeling of being stuck somewhere i don't want to be....

i have to start by saying in no way is this me complaining about my job. because i have had worse, and i can have worse, but it was a "take what you can get" job during the peak of my debts and i'm almost in a state of panic that i'm going to be sitting at a desk the rest of my life answering phones and doing what people pawn off on me because they're too lazy to do it themselves. Although i can grow in the company and have already started to do so, I'm just growing into things that i don't even want to do. I don't want to being adding numbers and reconciling accounts. I want to draw, write, be creative. With this job, i'm not even close to any of that. A portion of this panic is slightly due to Morgan's pep talk that i can do much more with my life, and the rest of it is that he's not the first to tell me that.

I'm not getting lazy with work, or thinking of quitting. I still enjoy doing what i do, but i know i can be happy with something else, rather than just settle for it. I do intend on going back to school in the winter, and hopefully this time around something will come out of it. I don't expect to wake up tomorrow and have the best job ever, but i do wish that i'll start to have a little more motivation in my life and the urge to actually get out there and do it.


On a completely unrelated note, the museum is free for the entire fall season. who wants to make it a second home with me?

Thirty Seven

season premier of heroes...OH MY GOD. I am now non-existant to everyone on Monday nights from 9:00-10:00 pm. With the exception of a few ridiculous beards and feminin movements, it was amazing, and i wish i could watch the whole season straight through.

I don't really have much to update, i'm sitting on the balcony and all the branches on the trees are breaking off...kinda scary. Stupid fall, so pretty, until it leads to depressing winter.

promotion at work? hells ya. it's not happening right away, but there's been many discussions on where they can move me and when. I'm probably gonna move into the accounts receivables/claims department. I'll miss my desk if they do move me though. Being a receptionist is kinda my thing. (sad, because i know i could do so much more with my life)

Speaking of receptionists, Pam...and Jim...just hook up already! (yes i am talking about them like i know them.) Rae and I watched the last episode of season two of The Office on Friday and screamed at the television for about 10 minutes until we ran out of our apartment without turning anything off to buy season three. Kinda one of the best moments of my life.

As you can tell, SO much has been going on in my life. Maybe i won't post anything until something incredible happens, but that should be months from now.

Go see across the universe, it's genius, im my opinion and in the opinion of many others.


p.s. come home, i miss you. riculously misspelled drunk texts don't cut it for me.



HI ANDREW!!!!

Thirty Six

It's been a little while, i suppose. although the lack of internet in our apartment contributes to the fact, there has also been a lack of interest as well. There isn't much going on with my life these days, and it seems to be going through a dry spell of nothing but morning routines and daily habits. Alarm goes off at five fourty five am, bathroom, coffee, clothes, breakfast, leave, bus, work, bus, home, movie, sleep. Every day, from Monday to Friday. Then the weekends just consists of a recliner and The Office or Arrested Development. Someone please but a little more entertainment into my life?

This past weekend was quite depressing. Meg moved to Toronto and although I hadn't seen her for close to two weeks, seeing her made me miss her even more. As soon as I walked into the restaurant, I knew what was to come. I miss ya buddy, and I make everyone aware of that atleast three times a day. I really can't wait to get away and come visit already, hope everything is going good so far. (make friends, that's the only way to make it easy. just not replacements to the ones you already have over here)

Rae's friends, Ry and Jamie, stayed at our place this weekend. After hearing so much about them, it was nice to finally meet them. My friends were here too, but as shocking as it was, I didn't see them for more than an hour. (you bet your ass that was sarcasm) Regardless, I had a good weekend. Andrew and I were reunited as well, which always puts a smile on my face.

Hockey game this Friday? Canadians VS Islanders. I'm saving my voice for all the sreaming I will be participating in.

Thirty Five

ahem,
i think, no, i know for certain, that i am losing my mind. Although this has been said many times in my life, i can probably assure you that this is the one time it is lost. Not even Saint Anthony himself can find it. This is all probably due to a lack of communication with the outside world. I'm not talking in a sense that I have no techonology at the moment to converse with friends, because although I have been slacking with my cellular device once again, there is always this wonderful balcony and the connections it provides and the never ending invitations to use Rae's phone if i have to. I'm speaking of a lack of friends, compagnions, amigos, aquaintances, etc. Friday night consisted of Tokyo, which in itself included an hour stay, two jack and cokes, buffering, calling a girl out on talking shit right next to me, a 5 minute dance party and the unexpected meeting with Marf. You would think this would be enough for one to consider it a night of wonderful nordians forming a "social event". But being followed by Saturday night's plans of no one wanting to hang out leading to Rae and I laying on my bed as i fell asleep in and out of a coma while she explained the rules of Kings to me, it came to my attention that I need to get out and start making friends.
This post is clearly a bunch of blabbing to waste time until Rae returns from nourishing Mike Hand's unourished cat. However, the eye lids are alreay getting heavy. Rae, if you are reading this, like you said you would, and I am in bed sleeping, sorry? heart shaped pancakes and the trimming of bald spots tomorrow night? we could enjoy them on our new kitchen table?

On a sadder note, my grandfather has stomach cancer. They aren't doing anything about it, so for now we're just going with it and seeing what happens as time passes.

On a happier note, a cute southern boy visit at the end of the month?

Thirty Four

Alright so here's the low down. I'm sitting literally in the corner of my balcony squeazing every bit of internet i can get from someone who was nice enough to not put a password on their connection. At the moment, the apartment still echoes when you talk, but none the less is coming together. With all the stress that came with finding the place, it's all settled and is really fun so far. Living with Rae is quite ridiculous, and not in a bad way. We are ridiculous. Since there is no phone, cable and slim internet pickings, you can only imagine what we've come up with to entertain ourselves. and all without alcohol. Jay has been over just about every night and we've watched just about every movie possible already. Mama Lipnicky is here for the week, and hopefully we find a little more entertainment for her to enjoy herself.

As much of a high that i'm on now from things finally coming together, my grandfather being in the hospital still sits in the back of my mind all day. We're not really sure what the situation is at the moment, but he's sick. Just when one thing gets settled, there's always something new that finds it's way into the Giammaria's lives.

The cold weather is already calling for little hats and blankets, and as much as i loathe the winter, i love this time of year. I'm so happy right now, and i've said it time and time again, and most of the time it leads to a depression entry, but i really am content. I wish i could see some friends that i've really been missing lately though. I suppose that's the only complaint i have. That, and the fact that my bed feels very large and very empty. Help?

Sheree, my work mommy, gave me a pep talk about going back to school today. As many times as i've heard the exact same words, hers were really inspiring. I really want to make the effort to go back. I feel like i gave up too fast and got distracted with other things, and i should have kept going. I'm in a better mind set over this past year, and I think i can really do it. I already am lacking a social life, so it's not like i'd be throwing anything away.

That's about it. Hopefully Intoenet allows us to connect more often and I can actually talk to the outside world seeing as yet again, I don't have a phone at the moment.

p.s. PJ, I found the box you sent me, and seeing as i'm living in the same building as my brother and don't have blinds yet, certain things in there come in handy very much.

Thirty Three

I don't have the internet right now, so i'll tell you all about my apartment once it's all set up.
come visit me, no cable, phone and internet can get pretty boring.

Thirty Two

"This fall the blues are browns"

Isn't it a little bit early for everyone to be getting into their winter depressions?

Thirty One

This is my last week living in this god forsaken town. Of course living at home had it's perks. Home cooked meals, money to spend, and yes, even having my parents around was comforting once in awhile. But being surrounded by factories and having to take a bus to get to the corner store isn't my idea of a quaint little town. Rae and I signed the lease on Saturday and we move September 1st. See ya St. Laurent...

I have to say I'm not at all impressed with a few people and their lack of effort in showing up at Meg's birthday dinner and then at Jello bar. She wanted her closest friends there and there are a few specific people that didn't even bother to show up for at least half an hour just to be there and add a little enjoyment to her night. She would have done it for you, and instead excuses were made, and the night just wasn't the same. Meg deserves a better birthday than what went down last night, and September 1st is round two. On the other hand, chips and salsa, funky black women, the holiday, jiffy pop and the company of people I really enjoy still made for a fun night, at least in my opinion.

My health problems are all resolved. asthma pump; check. drained ear; check. pre-cancerous changes; nothing to worry about!

Thirty

As I sit on the phone for what seems to now be 10 minutes on hold with the bank, I figured I'd vent a little, cause at the moment, I'm about to explode. I'm over all this apartment stuff. I just want it to be September 1st, and I want to be able to say "this is where we're living". The reason I'm on hold with the bank if because I put a deposit on a place, told the guy i didn't want it and he said he was still taking the money, even though he said he wouldn't unless we agreed to taking the place when we signed the application. So I'm stuck here listening to horrible music, as I wait to put a stop payment on my check. So much has been going wrong, so much isn't going the way I planned when i decided to move out and I can't say I'm ecstatic to move anymore. With the way things are going, I have no motivation at all. Of course the excitement of finally leaving the nest again is still there, but with all this starting off on the wrong foot and the combination of me freaking out that I'm going to live too far away from work that it will drive me to be lazy and getting fired, is definitely making me want to lose my mind. (If not already lost)

On an even more stressful note, I have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday. This is the one where they tell me what the hell is wrong with me. (I'd consider it good news if they told me I'm clinically insane. So much that I'm crossing my fingers on it, it would be the explanation to all my questions and worries)

I bet the only person that can sense my sarcastic tone and bitter rants while reading this is Meg.


(yep...still on hold)


Alright, another topic. I feel like I limit myself to the same friends. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I hang out with. But I want new faces, new personalities, new ways to spend my weekends other than drinking whiskey till five in the morning, and then waking up at 3:30 in the afternoon with a terrible headache and the trouble of remembering "how did i get into these clothes last night? better yet, how did i get home?"


(I just hung up, I couldn't take the Micheal Bolton music anymore)

I need to sleep. I need to shower. I need to stop drinking. I need to find a boy. I need to go back to the hobbies that never ceased to calm down. I need my best friend to be here. I need to be there for my best friend. I need to stop letting myself do the things I don't want to be doing. Like pouring my heart out to a stupid keyboard and a monitor. ugh. goodnight.

Twenty Nine

Every once in awhile, I fall off my tracks and become distracted by certain things in my life. Presently, I am definitely off the tracks. In previous cases such as these, I would have given up, quit my job, watched movies all day in bed, until I was heavily back in debt and telemarketed my way out of it. Luckily there have been eye opening experiences occurring in my life lately, and I've been able to stay in there. I keep telling myself to focus, and this is exactly where I should be. Of course it's nice to not work, stay out late, enjoy the day. However, ever since I've started this job, I've gotten my life back together. With an extra bit of responsibility attached, I suppose.

Anyways, basically what I'm saying is that I have a lot going on in my life right now, good and bad. Rae and I were accepted to the apartment we applied to. Which is in my brother's building, down the hall from him. I'm moving up in my job already. I'm getting better with money. My best friend is moving to Toronto. I'm starting to look for a boyfriend. I think it's time, I'm ready to fall in love again and all that jazz. I'm beginning to value certain friendships I have had and have recently made.

Summer is coming to an end, and even though I can't say I did a lot of eventful things, it was still an amazing summer, for myself. Mostly because I think this is the summer where I and a lot of the people around me have just sort of grown up. Things aren't what they used to be, and it's not necessarily in a bad way. Even though I have tendencies to remind myself that we're all getting older and things aren't going to be as rowdy and adventurous as when I was 17, I still find myself sighing in relief that those times are over and it's time to start a whole new part of my life. I wanna have an amazing job, and I'm already close enough to having that. I want to fall in love, get married, have babies. (Not right now obviously, but I want to find someone that I can see myself doing those things with eventually) The days of seeing what bars I can get into, how much I can drink, all in all , what sort of trouble I can get into, are over. And after that slope of my life so far, I am one hundred percent happy.

Twenty Eight

I'm about to go take a nap but i figured i would post a little update.
As much as i hate warped tour and everything that comes with it, sitting in tents all day with amazing people was a blast. I got to spend a huge amount of time hanging out with Albert, PJ, Brian and the Bleed the Dream guys. It was always amazing to spend some time with Meg too. The two of us haven't really had good hangouts where it's just the two of us in a really long time. (Even though she laughed at me for breaking two chairs and a cooler by sitting on them, attempting to ride a bike drunk when i don't even really know how to ride a bike, and not informing me that i kept flashing my undies to everyone when i would sit down, until PJ and Albert later told me about it)

Work was kinda hard today, cause all i kept thinking about was how much i still wanted to hangout with everyone, but luckily it was busy and i survived. It's apartment mode now, time is running out and Rae and I still haven't found a place, let alone gone to see any. Hopefully by this week or next week we'll have an idea of where we're gonna live. August is gonna fly, but at the same time I feel like September isn't gonna come fast enough.

Met a cute boy with an even cuter accent, but i won't see him again until the end of September. blah

Naptime.

Twenty Seven

I'm beyond exhausted at the moment, and it may be because i never leave my house during the week and last night i did. But, today is my "Friday" because i leave for Barrie tomorrow. I'm sort of restless about it. For one, i get to bring my stuff home, and I also get to see some people that i haven't seen basically since i moved. Saturday is warped tour, and obviously there are a bunch of people i can't wait to hangout with. But i'm mostly excited because Meg and I haven't taken a trip somewhere since March, and for awhile, that's all we did.

Went to Andrew's last night, wrote a fabulous song, which later got deleted because Andrew likes to delete things (i.e. pictures off of cameras, songs, etc) so unfortunately no one will ever be able to hear it, until we redo it. (drudru, i'm going to hell for this)

Yikes! i just realized i'm going to be late for work. It's going to be a long day. But corovas possibly tonight, and getting drunk with my fav. Barrie residents tomorrow night!

Twenty Six

Drinking out of Rae's water bottle, sharing the same straw with her, even telling her to cough all over her hand while we shared the same bag of popcorn, felt like a good idea at the time. I just wanted to be voiceless as well so I could get off work and still feel good enough to enjoy the weather. Well, yesterday the little coughs at work started and i thought to myself "this is great, we're moving fast". then when i got home last night i found myself making a tea cause my throat felt a little scratchy. then i woke up at around 1:45am last night and that was the end. my throat felt like something died in it, i couldn't stop coughing and for some odd reason kept running to the bathroom cause i thought i was going to puke. It's 6:30am right now and although i should be sleeping for another 45 minutes, i can't. They have me working from 7am to 5 pm for two weeks cause a girl went on vacation and forgot to arrange for a replacement, so of course they came to me. it's going to be one of those weeks. (or two)

my visa is finally paid off. completely. forever.

Twenty Five

i would like to congratulate myself on only going out once during this week, and sleeping in my own bed every night this weekend. i would also like to congratulate myself for having a good sum of money in my bank account and not blowing it all in two days, and instead saving it. perhaps that responsibility thing that has taken so long to get through my thick skull, finally dug it's way through. (or is testing it's toes in the water and will later decide the water is too cold, and i'll be out every night spending money on vodka waters)

i was going through pictures today. i really wish my mother would have told me how awful my choices in style were as i was growing up. but what baffles the mind, and without trying to sound conceded, cause really i can't wrap my head around it, how in the world did i actually pick up boys looking like that?! i was what i would now consider a mutant. but none the less, there i was making out with several people every night i went to foufs. (classy, i know) maybe they were mutants too. probably. come to think of it, yes. (i'm sorry if you are reading this and i made out with you at foufs when i was younger...meg this doesn't apply to you, you're pretty and non-mutant-like...wait, back then, maybe a LITTLE)

i've been looking into taking ballet classes again. i used to be really good, and even though i would probably be considered the fat, confused kid in the class, i think i could really get back into the hang of it. plus i would get to buy pretty aa clothes to wear while doing it. yoga and pilates are fun, but the girl on the video tape looks like my doctor, and it kinda scares me. (my computer just told me i spelt "pilates" wrong, and as options to fix it, it gave me: plates, dilates, palates, and pirates. really?)

Well i'm off to bed, i know it's pretty early, but i'm exausted. the closing fireworks were amazing tonight. it was the perfect ending. i actually kinda had goosebumps while they were playing "what a wonderful world" as they were going on. It was like that scene in the sandlot where they all just stop playing baseball and watch the fireworks. except we weren't playing baseball. and it isn't the 60s. and of course there was no giant dog to be afraid of.

Twenty Four

so there are finally a cluster of things I would like to talk about; and no, it's not just a boring recap on my "oh so eventful" days/nights. First off, I've realized how incredibly boring my blogs have become. I'm sorry. They're either about how I was belligerent the previous night, or some sort of serious, overly worded entry about something I end up getting over after a goodnight's sleep. After reading Tyler Hilton's blogs with Meg last night (yes, we do 12 year old girl things) I realized mine need to be spiced up, less serious, just about random thoughts that are literally in my head for 2 seconds. Like this columbia house bit Ii just joined. Three quarters of the world can probably complain that they got suckered into the 5 dvds for .49 cents bit and then later billed for amounts they can't even explain. But, the colorful adds and catalogue of endless "hot titles" was just screaming "BUY ME!" so, none the less, I ran upstairs and ordered V for Vendetta, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Brick, Amelie, and James Dean. All for 7.40$. Do you think all the employees are sitting with their feet on their desks going "we got another one, now BILL HER!" in some sort of evil echoed voice? Wait a minute, what do you think the chances are of Tyler Hilton coming across this blog? I mean, the boy blogs, who's to say he doesn't google himself in blogs and reads what strangers write about him. Clearly the chances are slim to none, but so are the chances of winning the lottery and it comes just as a surprise to everyone. If my chances are between slim to none, Tyler Hilton, I love you. You look good as Elvis and I think we should bang and write music right after instead of spooning. (Do you think Tyler Hilton is a spooner? He's probably the type to make you drape yourself over him with your head on his shoulder and your leg over his stomach, while all you get is his arm suffocating you as you're trying to NOT solely breathe in his arm pit sweat.)

Anyways, now that I've completely lost my train of though, I'm going to do yoga, and by that, I mean lay on the floor performing the exercises half assed and hope by chance to get into shape. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday have been dubbed my nights off, and therefore are perfect for quality Aleasha time.

Last fireworks on Saturday. (and no, it does not mark the end of something. although you are right about the chapter, which I think was pretty much written into a corner, there are still many more to come, and perhaps a short stories series in the future?)

Twenty Three

I'm making an attempt at not going out all week. (With the exception of the fireworks on Wednesday, but it's straight home right after) Summer can be such a distraction, and as much as I'm having a blast, I still feel like I haven't had much time to myself, and to do the things I like to do. I picked up my guitar today and it was so out of tune from sitting there, and my fingers hurt from playing. I can't remember when the last time I painted or drew was, and there are lots of books and movies I want to get through. It also feels like I'm just doing the same thing every night; and I'm not saying I'm tired of it or bored, I just don't think going downtown every single night of the week to drink is a good idea. Especially with how far I live. I need to settle down a bit, and put my attention to different things that I've been ignoring.

I started doing yoga to get rid of Toby the belly (go ahead, make fun of me) but I feel so relaxed after doing it, and hopefully I'll feel skinnier too. Alot of people think I'm absolutely crazy for wanting to lose weight, but I just want to fix myself up, on account of letting myself go lately.

I don't have much to report, and feel like I haven't had much to talk about these past few days. Maybe things will pick up soon. I have a week off in August and I think I'm going to spend a few days in Toronto (since it's been forever), maybe go to Barrie for a night then try to go to a few warped tour dates to see some people I haven't seen in awhile.

I found my Billie Holiday cd,

I'm in love.

Twenty Two

Does it make me selfish that I'm making something worse for someone else, so that's it's better for me? I have a problem with distancing myself from people when I know they're going to leave me. When in reality, I should be with them every second because they're leaving me. The truth of it all is that when I left Montreal last spring, I think deep down inside, I knew I would be back in a few months; and what scares me, is that I know you won't. You're there for good, cause you've found someone for good. I'm sorry you feel distant from a lot of people at the moment, but I love you to death and nothing will ever change that. I'm sorry I'm not around as much, but you know me and my method of coping, it's childish, but it's the only thing that will work.

I spent the night at home last night. I'm not even remotely close to kidding when I say I haven't done that in about a month. My dad was working until midnight and my mom is in Vermont, therefore it was the quietest night I've had in awhile. Rae went home until Thursday and Andrew was just as tired as I was. So i did some laundry, showered, cleaned my room, looked for cottages in Cape Cod with Andrew on the phone, scrap booked for a bit the went to bed. All things that I've been meaning to do for a long time.

Twenty One

Friday night at the W was quite successful, many vodka waters were had, and many tumbles were taken. Tumbles off of cushioned chairs, marble tables and taxi cabs. I couldn't see, and i vomited in marc's tomato plants. However, it was amazing and will be talked about for awhile. Blake is in town, so him and meg came out. (drunk meg, who i haven't seen in awhile, came out at the end of the night, causing her to leave a little early). Rae and I (Minus the third line to our triangle) met up with Jason and it was chaos from there. (Chaos in the sense of my parents would be very disappointed in my brother and I) I feel a little embarassed on how sloppy we were. I usually rip girls apart that are like that.

Saturday night was the most pathetic night of my entire life. Everyone had somewhere to go and Rae and I sat in her living room eating chips and dip listening to Rihanna on repeat. Then finally we went to meet up with Mikey at Bif Tec, but that sucked so we went to B Side in attempts to find found, but found nothing but fat girls. It didn't help that we were beyond tired and still hungover either.

Sunday was Andrew's return to Montreal. There were signs, apple pies, bike lessons, happy birthdays and cruises down montrea's busiest streets involved. I'm really happy he'e back, it seriously did feel like something was missing all weekend; but now something is going to be missing most of the week. Rae is going back home for a few days, so now it's just me and Andrew.

I'm not ready for it to be Monday, nor am I prepared to work on a day like today. It's gorgeous outside, and i sort of wish i hadn't taken advantage of yesterday's beautiful weather. As soon as work is out, i'm sitting outside.

Twenty

sean fimio, i love you to death. (even though you make me angry by deciding to live under a rock once a month.) you always seem to manage to know when to pop up and make me feel better. you always know what to say, i miss you so much. feel better bebe.

today was kinda rough, but tomorrow is tomorrow, and that means a new day. just want to get a lot of stuff sorted out and off my mind. i can't help but feel kind of disappointed in people tonight as well.

anyways, i don't really have much to say. This song has been stuck in my head all night.

Modest Mouse - Missed The Boat

While we're on the subject
Could we change the subject now?
I was knocking on your ears
Don't worry, you were always out
Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well we knew we had the good things
But those never seemed to last
Oh please just last

Everyone's unhappy
Everyone's ashamed
Well we all just got caught looking
At somebody else's page
Well nothing ever went
Quite exactly as we planned
Our ideas held no water
But we used them like a damn

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell
Saying yes, this is a fine promotion
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell

Of course everyone goes crazy
Over such and such and such
We made ourselves a ??
We just used it as a crutch
We were suddenly uncertain
At least I'm pretty sure I am
Well we didn't need the water
But we just built that go god damn

Oh, and I know this all myself
I stood in front for all the people
Oh, and I know this all myself
We listen while life hangs on
And the sound of life's sweet bliss

Was it ever worth it?
Was there all that much to gain?
Well we knew we missed the boat
And we'd already missed the plane
We didn't read the invite
We just dance at our wake
All our favorites were playing
So we could shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

Tiny curtains open and we heard the tiny clap of little hands
A tiny man would tell a little joke and get a tiny laugh from all the folks
Sitting drifting around in bubbles and thinking it was us that carried them
When we finally got it figured out that we had truly missed the boat

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and we owned all the tools ourselves
But not the skills to make a shelf with
Oh, what useless tools ourselves

Nineteen

In order to cope with certain things, I tend to turn them into jokes. Literally, an hour and a half ago I was joking around about something serious with Meg. I came home to an email saying that Donna's mom passed away this morning. She was fighting cancer for a long time now, it probably was at it's worst around the time I moved to Barrie. I literally just sat here staring at the computer screen, feeling so stupid and ignorant. Much how I've been feeling all day.

Two nights ago, Rae told us the very heavy story about her two friends that passed away, and since then I've had all these mixed emotions about how I view my life. There are moments in the day when i know I'm taking it for granted or being selfish and unrealistic. There are also moments when I look at the people that surround me every day and can't help but feel lucky that I'm surrounded by amazing, caring, one of a kind friends and family members. But today all that kept coming to mind, and as morbid as it sounds, was "if i were to find out i was dying, would I happy knowing I was going as the person I currently am? At the moment, I could probably say yes. Life is definitely something I couldn't possibly find a way to complain about. It's summer, I'm working, finding out and learning about new friends (and old), and just plain and simply smiling. Walking with Rae the other day, I was saying how there have been so many nights lately that so far make up "one of those summers". The kind where you look back and say "that was such a fun summer" and recite endless stories, barely being able to make it through from all the laughter while telling them. But something always finds it's way into making that perfection pull a 360; and I think the only reason for that, is because I let it. and why? Things happen, people say the wrong things, have the wrong opinions and views, break hearts, change, make mistakes, back stab. Money isn't always at a perfect flow, work doesn't always bring laid back days. It's not always sunny and it most definitely is not always the weekend. However, all those things are normal, and if they come once a month, then i should just be getting used to them, anticipating the end of it. Instead of letting myself slouch on a computer chair for hours, thinking of how unfortunately life is at the moment. When people are passing away, and leaving families and friends behind, or battling incurable diseases.

I'm in a weird head space today, but hopefully that'll change. Or get worse. But even at that, I can say that I'm lucky and wouldn't trade my life with anyone's, ever. Everyone that has been around me these past few months, (I don't even have to point you out) you are what's making my life feel charmed. And everyone who has been around for years, you're probably the reason there's always that counter 360 after a shitty day or week.

Eighteen

PART I - JALAL

This, is Jalal. I believe it was quite awhile back that we became acquainted within the thick,brick walls of Foufounes Electriques. We chit-chated about pointless nothings, and for several months, would run into each other on Thursdays as I sipped four free beers and the schmuck bought his own. Then on the night of Clerks movie night hosted by Mel Watson and Meg Duffy, Jalal decided to join us and we gossiped about ex's and dramatic experiences in Ontario. His beautiful, fake accent and wonderful massages make him the perfect candidate for a friend. Although he is horrible at telling stories, he does supply girls with two kinds of hairspray, light and bouncy; or firm hold. He is not a fan of cats who run under his bed without his permission and in cases like that, uses a water bottle and fierce old man-like screams to remove the cat from his bedroom. He doesn't have a bathroom door, and the garbage in his bathroom consists of empty toilet paper rolls, Kleenex and wrappers from ice cream bars. He doesn't like it when people touch his shoulder while talking to him, and is a victim of almost getting run over by speeding bike drivers. He changes about five different times before actually leaving the house and takes pictures of people sleeping at 6:30 in the morning. This is the Jay i know, so that was my story.


PART II- LAST NIGHT

Meg, Rae, Andrew and I attended the fireworks hosted by Mexico last night. They were shitty to begin with, then were REALLY pretty with all different colors as their grand finale. We then went to Drugstore, Meg went to bed cause she was sleepy. We encountered a real-life cowboy, a he-she, ballet dancers and a horner shooter boy. The song Umbrella by Rihanna was probably listened to about 20 times when we were at Andrew's after Drugstore, and I think his neighbors were a little upset. I woke up at 1:45, hung out for a bit then went home (practically dead) and right to Sunday dinner. (which, as usual, was interesting and fun)


I'm much too tired to write anything else right now. There isn't much to say anyway. This summer is amazing. Hopefully a trip to Cape Cod will happen soon!

Five day week at work this week, it's been awhile. But Cancer Bats are here Saturday! (excited to drink and dance with Mikey)

Have a good week!

Seventeen

It is finally Saturday, and I can't seem to wrap my head around how I made it through a full week of work without calling in sick once. Thursday and yesterday were a bit of a disaster seeing as i was 20 minutes late one day and an hour and a half late the next day for work, but none the less, I went. Aleasha a few months ago, would have quit if she didn't feel like going to work after a night of partying. Or in this case, i should say night(s) of partying.

This week has kind of been all over the place for me, emotionally. Actually i think it has been for every one around me as well.
The anticipation of waiting for Meg to come back finally came to an end. As soon as she called on Tuesday night saying she was back, I became instantly hyper and just couldn't wait to see her. But I couldn't' help but notice that as happy as she was to be back, it wasn't where she wanted to be, and I know that feeling to the tee, and it sucks. I back her decisions to move to Toronto in October, but can't help but be skeptical about the fact that what happened to me could happen to her. But i suppose you have to look at the comparison of the "other halves" in the relationships, and it doesn't worry me one bit, cause Blake is such a solid fellow.

I think it's safe to say that there is definitely a new found friendship between Rae and I. She is the most real, down to earth girl I have probably ever met. And I hope she sticks around for awhile with everything that has been going on. I've basically been living at her apartment all week and there have definitely been some interesting nights, and hard mornings. I'm gonna take initiative on looking for apartments for us and hopefully find something for August.
Speaking of new found friendships, as much as I constantly name call, pick on and make fun of Andrew, I am so happy a little triangle has been formed with him, Rae and I. No matter what we did this week, we were smiling and laughing. He's a good guy to have around as a friend, and I hope that one keeps growing as well. It's so nice to have all these new, and somewhat new, faces in my life. It's a really nice change and a break in pattern for me.

I haven't really liked anyone since Kyle, there have only been crushes and stupid flings, and I thought I was starting to like someone and it was somewhat of a nice feeling. But once again it built up and then fell to shit. I set myself up and I feel like an idiot. I always seem to end up choosing the ones that I know aren't good for me; maybe I like feeling helpless in the whole situation, i dunno.

Health wise, I think I'm getting there. Now that I'm a vegetarian, I feel like I'm eating so much better. In regards to saying I'm anorexic, I'm not. I know it's not something to joke about, and I feel kind of bad that I've said it around certain people. However, I have lost weight. I weighed myself at the beginning for the week and just now, and I've lost 5 pounds this week. Most likely due to the lack of sleep and I haven't been sitting at home on my ass eating. People think I'm crazy for wanting to lose weight, but i call it my "depression" weight from back in the winter, and i want it gone.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for something else that i was called in for, and I'm helplessly nervous, being a hypochondriac and all. They just want to be sure, because my first test results showed up kinda all over the place and abnormal. (I'll explain with better detail when I know what's going on. If i don't write about it, it's because everything is OK)

I haven't seen my parents in practically a week. Especially my father. I also haven't spoken to my brother in what seems to have been about a week as well. Which is one of the main reasons I'm taking a week off going out. I've spent so much time away from home, and I have a lot to catch up on.

Last night and Thursday night were fun. I have to say I expected a bit more out of it, but I'll take what i got. I am so happy that I saw Carly. It's been close to a year since I've seen her, and she is still exactly how I left her. (With shorter, pretty hair, however) I wish I had more time to hangout with her , or say goodbye for that matter. (I got excited for the trip to Taco Bell with Sacha, Mel, Cheapie and Shane) It was also amazing to meet Katie Brown, she was a fun girl to have around, always filled with positivity and smiles. Getting some of those dudes on the tour to dance with Rae and I was priceless. Dancing to Rhianna with Andrew just take the cake though.

Oh my, it seems like this entry has become long and probably tedious. I suppose I've summed it up enough anyway. Excited for a few shows coming up. (Tegan and Sara being one of them).

"I'm guilty of this you should know this
I broke down and wrote you back
before you had a chance to
Forget, forgotten, I am moving past this
giving notice"

Sixteen

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up."

Kevin Arnold knows best.

i've realized this week that it's much harder to hold on to something than let go.

Fifteen

Where should i even begin this one?

First off, this weekend was quite bizarre, yet quite amazing. (As i type this, i can't help but picture it being said with the annoying accent Andrew and Jay have influenced me to have) Rae adventured to my house friday, which resulted in me picking her up at a random bus stop due to paranoia in asking the bus driver where my street was. Bought some stuff at Wal-Mart, then headed back downtown. Met up with my brother and his friend and went to Zoobizarre. Which is quite "bizarre" if you ask me. It was like all the bad dancers in montreal collectively decided to go there that night. Saturday night, Andrew, Jay, Rae and I had a bbq at Andrew's and then went to Saint-Sulpice to meet up with some of the Crush Luther dudes since they had a show here that night. Got drunk, picked up a black girl from Nebraska (who i think actually ended up being gay, which scared me....alot) then climbed some metal poles, threw a lighter at a church, looked for baby jesus (he was sleeping) and joined a dance party on the street. Last night Ally got to montreal, we went to the fireworks at the old port (sucked) then went back to saint-sulpice and got a little tipsy then went back to Rae's. (interesting night, i might add) got spooned, woke up, sat outside for about 4 hours with Phil and Ally, watched a construction worker build a balcony (attempt to, i should say) then went home for a laundry break and went back to Rae's, hopefully cheered her up, had a bang fix and went home.

Interesting Facts:
I seemed to have lost my phone.
I can't stop speaking in this unknown, all over the place, accent.
Meg get backs tomorrow after being gone for 10 of the longest days of my life.
I have bangs, and look asian.
Truffles WAS a character on Mr. Dressup
Andrew Mcgrath is a dickwad
New shoes give you blisters.



I've read that Mugshot broke up. I'm sorry to hear that. I actually was kinda sad, I've had alot of fun at their shows and all those nights hearing them practice in their basement. Hope they all find something new to do.


I am OUT. i haven't slept in my bed all weekend. and it's calling my name.








oh and p.s. i love them ------>

Fourteen

so the week is finally over and i couldn't be happier. although it was a four day week, work was hectic. Sales reps were in and i had to be all fake and full of smiles and business laughs. Looking on the bright side, however, i was told that i should definitely try to move up to the design team eventually because they can see me drawing for the children's line. Going to work and getting paid to draw, kind of my ideal job.

The long week of not drinking is coming to an end, and it's feels nice to know that this week i didn't ruin myself on too much alcohol and late nights, whereas last week was quite the disaster. (as i'm writting this, Rae's cat is sitting like a person licking itself and i'm laughing to myself) I'm excited for this weekend. A few birthday celebrations, canada day parties, big clean up at home (yes, i'm excited to clean, wanna fight about it?) and who knows what else will happen.

My dad came home today and informed me that he got me the Ipod phone. I get it in two-three weeks because it's sold out just about everywhere and he had to order it. I'm a bit skeptical about it, seeing as i tend to break or lose valuable things all the time. But Rae is co-owner and will help me maintain it's perfect, beautiful form. I will not be able to sleep for two-three weeks, nor will i be able to stop saying "i can't believe i'm getting that phone" every two seconds.

I want to move out, so the saving/hunting begins once again. This time, i want to have atleast three months rent saved up and a bunch of furniture already bought. Hopefully it works out this time. Whether I will live alone or with someone is still a mystery to me.

I want to start scrapbooking all the pictures in the boxes under my bed and make someone really amazing that i can look back on and remember. Single photos alone have quite the epic tale behind them, i can imagine a book.

I miss meg. Alot. She's been gone since Sunday and at first it felt like she was gone for her normal boyfriend visit, but now it feels like my best friend is actually gone. Which worries me a little, considering she's been thinking about moving to Toronto. I want her to. She deserves to be happy, and she is happy. If living in Toronto will make her happier than I don't want anything else for her. But it's a little weird not going over to just sit and gossip and talk on the fuzzy white couch. Just putting it out there that if she moves, I won't help but feel a little lost.

That's about it for my week update. I got paid this week, so i'm sure there will be a weekend update as well. I'm kinda pumped to meet Rae's friend, Ally, this weekend. She's been talking about her so much and i'm sure we'll have a blast with her being here. I think i'm gonna go hang out with Chucks now (aka Guillaume ha) since Andrew the flake McGrath bailed on us tonight.

I got my other phone back. I would post the number but ANYONE can read this. therefore i won't. So if you have my number already, call me, text me, chit chat. If you don't have my number it's either for a reason, or you should message me on facebook and get it.

Have a good canada weekend. oh and p.s. the diet turned into a weight gain fest. I look pregnant. Just putting that out there as well. If you see me waddling down the street, don't think anything horrible about me. It's just a belly full of food.

Thirteen

I shed a pound.

Probably because i haven't drank in two days. It's kinda nice. I woke up this morning went outside, made myself a nice healthy breakfast, then went to work. Then went to Rae's with the original plan to hangout with Chucks, but ended up watching a movie with her, Phil and Marc.

I looked up a whole bunch of vegetarian recipes at work today, I'm excited to make them. I feel like I'm eating so much healthier now that i don't eat meat. It's only been about two months, but I'm even surprising myself let alone the people who thought i wouldn't last a day as a herbivore.

I'm gonna buy a camera with not this paycheck but the next one. I'm super excited. (p.s. Sean or Blake do you still have the one i gave you to fix, which you clearly never got around to? I'm just gonna bring it to get fixed. try to give it to Meg while she's in your neck of the woods please)

Every time i draw something, take a good photo of something or just have a little line in my head I'm gonna post it in my other blog, http://linesandcolours.blogspot.com Right now it's only stuff that is old news, but i took some pictures of stuff i've been "doodling" and I'll post them soon.

That's about it for today/tonight. Happy Hump Day tomorrow! (already) midnight=money in my bank account.
My bed is kinda empty tonight. Like every other night. Someone please come fill it.

Sweet Dreams