Fifty-Four

Christmas is in two days, and I still haven't finished my shopping. I am trying to do something crafty for my mother, but George (the ghost in our apartment) won't stop making the floors creak and banging on my window. Have a little respect please, I'm trying to get things done.
One second of the day, life seems like it's everything it should be. Other seconds, it feels like I was cursed with the worst of luck. There's no happy medium. On the bright side, I get to go to Toronto in a few days, a much overdue visit if I may say so myself. Things I intend to do:

-FINALLY see Meg & Blake's place.
-Get belligerent with Alanna.
-Drive to Barrie to get the rest of my things (it's only been more than a year or so)
-Hangout with my best friend and do the things we do best. (i.e. sitting, drinking...you know)
-Try to set up little visits to people I miss (Aaron and Anto you're first on the list)
-Get new Nike's in Cookstown
-Find snazzy dresses with Meg for New Year's Eve
-Pierce my nose (yes? no?)

Is it just me or is there a lack of babes in Montreal? Some definitely need to start moving here, cause I am definitely not resorting to an out of province boy again. Hmmm...I feel a nervous breakdown on it's way. Hopefully no one eats my apple at work....(this referring to when I got fired for "not being able to handle the job" after i broke down, yelling and crying, that someone ate my apple in the fridge.)


Merry Christmas everyone.

Come visit me...all this talking has made me miss you

Fifty-Three

I've made promises to myself, and I feel as though I've bit off more than I can chew.

People say so many things they don't mean, and I don't understand where it comes from. Truth comes out when you're angry, or at least that is what i believe. At the same time though, I can understand that it's easy to blurb things out when you're mad. It's easy to become jealous, angry or childish even in a lot of every day situations. I've said so many things that I never meant, and I'm still trying to figure out why. What I'm getting down to is, I made a few mistakes in the past with a few friends. I threw them away. It bothers the hell out of me that I'm such an on and off again person with the way I see things. One month I couldn't care less, and the next I focus on just being a good person. Maybe because I just can't change the way I am. I know I'm still growing up, but this is as old as I've ever been. Not everyone is going to be like me. Differences between people IS a good thing. I need to stop expecting so much from people, and I need to stop worrying that I'm not living up to people's expectations of me. I am what I am.

I hate the winter. It brings nothing but endless thoughts that put me in a panic. I went grocery shopping yesterday and as I was walking through the isles, i just stopped and this feeling came over me where I had never felt so alone before. I remember going to do groceries with my mom every morning followed by coffee at Muffins with Baba and Gigi, and now this is what it turned into. There I was, carrying bags I could barely carry and worrying that this is how it will be for the rest of my life. I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but I've actually been down about it lately.





(on another note, I'm happy we're friends again)

Fifty-Two

i suppose there has been a lack of posts coming from this gal, but i just haven't had the time to sit and actually write down my thoughts. Lack of time as well as lack of words to say. This month has been an emotional roller coaster, more downs than ups, of course. To sum it up, as most of you already know, my grandfather passed away, with my grandmother following behind a week later. It was a bitter sweet ending to all of this, and as much as i miss them, i know they're together.
After all this tragedy, there managed to be some smiles that were sneaked in. I finally turned 21. Although it scared me, it also felt much overdue. Jay threw me a surprise birthday party. It could have been at the worst place, in the worst city with the worst music playing, but all that mattered was everyone i missed and love was there.

There's more going on in my life, but I would rather not talk about them. I guess it's almost wrong to say but I'm pretty content. Minus the obvious, there's been some interesting situations that I've found myself stuck in lately. I've also managed to learn a lot about the person i want to be. So you say whatever you want about me, but forgiveness is the biggest word in my vocabulary now.




"if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the no's on their
vacancy signs. If there's no
one beside you when your
soul embarks, I'll follow
you into the dark"