Thirty

As I sit on the phone for what seems to now be 10 minutes on hold with the bank, I figured I'd vent a little, cause at the moment, I'm about to explode. I'm over all this apartment stuff. I just want it to be September 1st, and I want to be able to say "this is where we're living". The reason I'm on hold with the bank if because I put a deposit on a place, told the guy i didn't want it and he said he was still taking the money, even though he said he wouldn't unless we agreed to taking the place when we signed the application. So I'm stuck here listening to horrible music, as I wait to put a stop payment on my check. So much has been going wrong, so much isn't going the way I planned when i decided to move out and I can't say I'm ecstatic to move anymore. With the way things are going, I have no motivation at all. Of course the excitement of finally leaving the nest again is still there, but with all this starting off on the wrong foot and the combination of me freaking out that I'm going to live too far away from work that it will drive me to be lazy and getting fired, is definitely making me want to lose my mind. (If not already lost)

On an even more stressful note, I have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday. This is the one where they tell me what the hell is wrong with me. (I'd consider it good news if they told me I'm clinically insane. So much that I'm crossing my fingers on it, it would be the explanation to all my questions and worries)

I bet the only person that can sense my sarcastic tone and bitter rants while reading this is Meg.


(yep...still on hold)


Alright, another topic. I feel like I limit myself to the same friends. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I hang out with. But I want new faces, new personalities, new ways to spend my weekends other than drinking whiskey till five in the morning, and then waking up at 3:30 in the afternoon with a terrible headache and the trouble of remembering "how did i get into these clothes last night? better yet, how did i get home?"


(I just hung up, I couldn't take the Micheal Bolton music anymore)

I need to sleep. I need to shower. I need to stop drinking. I need to find a boy. I need to go back to the hobbies that never ceased to calm down. I need my best friend to be here. I need to be there for my best friend. I need to stop letting myself do the things I don't want to be doing. Like pouring my heart out to a stupid keyboard and a monitor. ugh. goodnight.