Thirty Two

"This fall the blues are browns"

Isn't it a little bit early for everyone to be getting into their winter depressions?

Thirty One

This is my last week living in this god forsaken town. Of course living at home had it's perks. Home cooked meals, money to spend, and yes, even having my parents around was comforting once in awhile. But being surrounded by factories and having to take a bus to get to the corner store isn't my idea of a quaint little town. Rae and I signed the lease on Saturday and we move September 1st. See ya St. Laurent...

I have to say I'm not at all impressed with a few people and their lack of effort in showing up at Meg's birthday dinner and then at Jello bar. She wanted her closest friends there and there are a few specific people that didn't even bother to show up for at least half an hour just to be there and add a little enjoyment to her night. She would have done it for you, and instead excuses were made, and the night just wasn't the same. Meg deserves a better birthday than what went down last night, and September 1st is round two. On the other hand, chips and salsa, funky black women, the holiday, jiffy pop and the company of people I really enjoy still made for a fun night, at least in my opinion.

My health problems are all resolved. asthma pump; check. drained ear; check. pre-cancerous changes; nothing to worry about!

Thirty

As I sit on the phone for what seems to now be 10 minutes on hold with the bank, I figured I'd vent a little, cause at the moment, I'm about to explode. I'm over all this apartment stuff. I just want it to be September 1st, and I want to be able to say "this is where we're living". The reason I'm on hold with the bank if because I put a deposit on a place, told the guy i didn't want it and he said he was still taking the money, even though he said he wouldn't unless we agreed to taking the place when we signed the application. So I'm stuck here listening to horrible music, as I wait to put a stop payment on my check. So much has been going wrong, so much isn't going the way I planned when i decided to move out and I can't say I'm ecstatic to move anymore. With the way things are going, I have no motivation at all. Of course the excitement of finally leaving the nest again is still there, but with all this starting off on the wrong foot and the combination of me freaking out that I'm going to live too far away from work that it will drive me to be lazy and getting fired, is definitely making me want to lose my mind. (If not already lost)

On an even more stressful note, I have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday. This is the one where they tell me what the hell is wrong with me. (I'd consider it good news if they told me I'm clinically insane. So much that I'm crossing my fingers on it, it would be the explanation to all my questions and worries)

I bet the only person that can sense my sarcastic tone and bitter rants while reading this is Meg.


(yep...still on hold)


Alright, another topic. I feel like I limit myself to the same friends. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I hang out with. But I want new faces, new personalities, new ways to spend my weekends other than drinking whiskey till five in the morning, and then waking up at 3:30 in the afternoon with a terrible headache and the trouble of remembering "how did i get into these clothes last night? better yet, how did i get home?"


(I just hung up, I couldn't take the Micheal Bolton music anymore)

I need to sleep. I need to shower. I need to stop drinking. I need to find a boy. I need to go back to the hobbies that never ceased to calm down. I need my best friend to be here. I need to be there for my best friend. I need to stop letting myself do the things I don't want to be doing. Like pouring my heart out to a stupid keyboard and a monitor. ugh. goodnight.

Twenty Nine

Every once in awhile, I fall off my tracks and become distracted by certain things in my life. Presently, I am definitely off the tracks. In previous cases such as these, I would have given up, quit my job, watched movies all day in bed, until I was heavily back in debt and telemarketed my way out of it. Luckily there have been eye opening experiences occurring in my life lately, and I've been able to stay in there. I keep telling myself to focus, and this is exactly where I should be. Of course it's nice to not work, stay out late, enjoy the day. However, ever since I've started this job, I've gotten my life back together. With an extra bit of responsibility attached, I suppose.

Anyways, basically what I'm saying is that I have a lot going on in my life right now, good and bad. Rae and I were accepted to the apartment we applied to. Which is in my brother's building, down the hall from him. I'm moving up in my job already. I'm getting better with money. My best friend is moving to Toronto. I'm starting to look for a boyfriend. I think it's time, I'm ready to fall in love again and all that jazz. I'm beginning to value certain friendships I have had and have recently made.

Summer is coming to an end, and even though I can't say I did a lot of eventful things, it was still an amazing summer, for myself. Mostly because I think this is the summer where I and a lot of the people around me have just sort of grown up. Things aren't what they used to be, and it's not necessarily in a bad way. Even though I have tendencies to remind myself that we're all getting older and things aren't going to be as rowdy and adventurous as when I was 17, I still find myself sighing in relief that those times are over and it's time to start a whole new part of my life. I wanna have an amazing job, and I'm already close enough to having that. I want to fall in love, get married, have babies. (Not right now obviously, but I want to find someone that I can see myself doing those things with eventually) The days of seeing what bars I can get into, how much I can drink, all in all , what sort of trouble I can get into, are over. And after that slope of my life so far, I am one hundred percent happy.

Twenty Eight

I'm about to go take a nap but i figured i would post a little update.
As much as i hate warped tour and everything that comes with it, sitting in tents all day with amazing people was a blast. I got to spend a huge amount of time hanging out with Albert, PJ, Brian and the Bleed the Dream guys. It was always amazing to spend some time with Meg too. The two of us haven't really had good hangouts where it's just the two of us in a really long time. (Even though she laughed at me for breaking two chairs and a cooler by sitting on them, attempting to ride a bike drunk when i don't even really know how to ride a bike, and not informing me that i kept flashing my undies to everyone when i would sit down, until PJ and Albert later told me about it)

Work was kinda hard today, cause all i kept thinking about was how much i still wanted to hangout with everyone, but luckily it was busy and i survived. It's apartment mode now, time is running out and Rae and I still haven't found a place, let alone gone to see any. Hopefully by this week or next week we'll have an idea of where we're gonna live. August is gonna fly, but at the same time I feel like September isn't gonna come fast enough.

Met a cute boy with an even cuter accent, but i won't see him again until the end of September. blah

Naptime.

Twenty Seven

I'm beyond exhausted at the moment, and it may be because i never leave my house during the week and last night i did. But, today is my "Friday" because i leave for Barrie tomorrow. I'm sort of restless about it. For one, i get to bring my stuff home, and I also get to see some people that i haven't seen basically since i moved. Saturday is warped tour, and obviously there are a bunch of people i can't wait to hangout with. But i'm mostly excited because Meg and I haven't taken a trip somewhere since March, and for awhile, that's all we did.

Went to Andrew's last night, wrote a fabulous song, which later got deleted because Andrew likes to delete things (i.e. pictures off of cameras, songs, etc) so unfortunately no one will ever be able to hear it, until we redo it. (drudru, i'm going to hell for this)

Yikes! i just realized i'm going to be late for work. It's going to be a long day. But corovas possibly tonight, and getting drunk with my fav. Barrie residents tomorrow night!