Fifty-Eight

Ontario has regurgitated yet another one of Montreal's finest. I get my best friend back next week, in a bitter-sweet sort of way. Everyone should either be filled with excitement or dreading that once again they will be completely ignored as the two of us go back into our anti-social bubble when in a group of people. None the less, life is sweet because of it, and hopefully her life goes back to almost perfect relatively fast. The bright side of us being idiots and moving away to another province, is that we're getting "bitter" tattooed in our lips next week. The cat's in heat, lock up your dominant males. I've never seen a kitten so attracted to feet before in my entire life. Yes, I chose to write about this. Why? Because that is JUST how exciting my life is. Perhaps you would like a brief summary? I work 40 hours a week fooling fellow employees that I am hard at work, when in reality I discuss the imaginary life i wish i actually had, online with the same (greatest) three people every day. I go unnoticed and everyone there thinks "receptionist" is the equivalent to "slave". I greet people, I don't bend over backwards for them. I live in my room from Monday-Thursday, force myself to wake up at the same bloody hour every morning. Come home, make dinner and fall asleep by eight o'clock without the slightest bit of trouble in doing so. My bank account is currently at $0.48, and as soon as it's filled, it's emptied. I wish I had listened to Meg and Andrew when I said I was moving, and my valentine's day this year is going to consist of Meg and I dipping into bottles of red wine while watch romatic comedies and bitterly commenting on how the characters who fall in love in movies are assholes and shitbags. I know I said life is pretty sweet before ranting, but eveything has it's shit end to the stick, right? My life during the week is the shit end. I would like to escape this summer, someone please take me somewhere, suggest a destination, anything. Apt. 28, I am taking an indefinite break from you starting in June.

Fifty-Seven

I miss when you used to make everything feel normal.
I have no one to talk some sense into me anymore.
You always made everything even out.
I really wish you didn't leave.

I think it finally hit me...
they're gone.

Fifty-Six

My apologies for not keeping this thing updated, but I have actually been busy since New Years. Between work and a constant flow of friends visiting, I've managed to have somewhat of a life. Along with that, I've been planning two cancer benefit events (which i'll tell you about later) and just got a job with Soundproof Magazine, where I will be writing and taking pictures.

It looks like i'll be quite busy until springtime, which I definitely need; these climate changes every week are not only a tease but are leaving with me colds every second weekend.

Getting back to the cancer benefit show, I started planning it in the beginning of Janurary, so i'm not very far along yet, but it looks like it will be at Le National (sometime in April or May). As for the bands, I don't have a definite answer, but the ones that have said it's a possibility, are some of my favorites! The second event to follow the show, will be "With Locks of Love..." I've gathered some hairdressers (and i'm still looking for more) and for 5$ they will be giving hair cuts and the hair will be donated to Locks of Love. Once more things are set in stone, I'll tell you all about it. In the meantime, i need all the help I can get, so if you think you can contribute in some sort of way, let me know!

Having Pj here was a blast, and partying with Meg all weekend brought me back. Now if I can just have a little more Andrew Mcgrath in my life, I'd be all set. (call me when you're back in town, dickwad...i miss you)

Also, has anyone seen Mouth to Mouth with Ellen Page and Jim Sturgess? it came out in about 2005. I really want to see it but can't find it anywhere. help?

I know I'm a day late, but happy birthday, Baba.

Fifty-Five

It's 6:30am, on my first day back to work, thus being my official first day of 2008. I have no idea what day we are, but all I know is, I don't wanna go back. Being off work for this little amount of time has been amazing. I got to spend time in Toronto and see some friends that I haven't seen in quite some time. I even got to show jay around Barrie, and surprisingly, he had a good time. It was a nice way to end the year, the year that i thought would never end.
New Year's Eve was amazing, and it was long overdue for Meg and I to have a NYE like that.
Now here we are, starting all over again. Perhaps i need to up myself one on the accomplishments for this year? Maybe a little more direction in what i want to do with my life? I've learned a lot in the ending of this year, and I hope to use that going into this one.

I quit (or atleast I am making an attempt. It's been 2 full days)

pj is in town for a few days, i'm excited for some hangouts. that's the first exciting event of 2008. more to come i hope.

Fifty-Four

Christmas is in two days, and I still haven't finished my shopping. I am trying to do something crafty for my mother, but George (the ghost in our apartment) won't stop making the floors creak and banging on my window. Have a little respect please, I'm trying to get things done.
One second of the day, life seems like it's everything it should be. Other seconds, it feels like I was cursed with the worst of luck. There's no happy medium. On the bright side, I get to go to Toronto in a few days, a much overdue visit if I may say so myself. Things I intend to do:

-FINALLY see Meg & Blake's place.
-Get belligerent with Alanna.
-Drive to Barrie to get the rest of my things (it's only been more than a year or so)
-Hangout with my best friend and do the things we do best. (i.e. sitting, drinking...you know)
-Try to set up little visits to people I miss (Aaron and Anto you're first on the list)
-Get new Nike's in Cookstown
-Find snazzy dresses with Meg for New Year's Eve
-Pierce my nose (yes? no?)

Is it just me or is there a lack of babes in Montreal? Some definitely need to start moving here, cause I am definitely not resorting to an out of province boy again. Hmmm...I feel a nervous breakdown on it's way. Hopefully no one eats my apple at work....(this referring to when I got fired for "not being able to handle the job" after i broke down, yelling and crying, that someone ate my apple in the fridge.)


Merry Christmas everyone.

Come visit me...all this talking has made me miss you

Fifty-Three

I've made promises to myself, and I feel as though I've bit off more than I can chew.

People say so many things they don't mean, and I don't understand where it comes from. Truth comes out when you're angry, or at least that is what i believe. At the same time though, I can understand that it's easy to blurb things out when you're mad. It's easy to become jealous, angry or childish even in a lot of every day situations. I've said so many things that I never meant, and I'm still trying to figure out why. What I'm getting down to is, I made a few mistakes in the past with a few friends. I threw them away. It bothers the hell out of me that I'm such an on and off again person with the way I see things. One month I couldn't care less, and the next I focus on just being a good person. Maybe because I just can't change the way I am. I know I'm still growing up, but this is as old as I've ever been. Not everyone is going to be like me. Differences between people IS a good thing. I need to stop expecting so much from people, and I need to stop worrying that I'm not living up to people's expectations of me. I am what I am.

I hate the winter. It brings nothing but endless thoughts that put me in a panic. I went grocery shopping yesterday and as I was walking through the isles, i just stopped and this feeling came over me where I had never felt so alone before. I remember going to do groceries with my mom every morning followed by coffee at Muffins with Baba and Gigi, and now this is what it turned into. There I was, carrying bags I could barely carry and worrying that this is how it will be for the rest of my life. I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but I've actually been down about it lately.





(on another note, I'm happy we're friends again)

Fifty-Two

i suppose there has been a lack of posts coming from this gal, but i just haven't had the time to sit and actually write down my thoughts. Lack of time as well as lack of words to say. This month has been an emotional roller coaster, more downs than ups, of course. To sum it up, as most of you already know, my grandfather passed away, with my grandmother following behind a week later. It was a bitter sweet ending to all of this, and as much as i miss them, i know they're together.
After all this tragedy, there managed to be some smiles that were sneaked in. I finally turned 21. Although it scared me, it also felt much overdue. Jay threw me a surprise birthday party. It could have been at the worst place, in the worst city with the worst music playing, but all that mattered was everyone i missed and love was there.

There's more going on in my life, but I would rather not talk about them. I guess it's almost wrong to say but I'm pretty content. Minus the obvious, there's been some interesting situations that I've found myself stuck in lately. I've also managed to learn a lot about the person i want to be. So you say whatever you want about me, but forgiveness is the biggest word in my vocabulary now.




"if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the no's on their
vacancy signs. If there's no
one beside you when your
soul embarks, I'll follow
you into the dark"